Copyright ChinaDan 2009
You Know you have been here too long when.............
At Mealtime...
- A few shots of maotai (the local high octane booze) don't even give you a buzz.
- You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
- A June 2000 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite is your vintage of choice)
- You think of 'salad' as diced apples in mayonnaise
- When someone says 'snack', you think: salted cuttlefish.
- You don't recognize a bowl of chicken soup unless there's feet and a head in it.
- You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
- You invite friends for dinner and serve 1,000 year old eggs as an appetizer.
- You crave salt...all the time.
- You feel awkward using a knife and fork.
- You think pork belongs as a flavouring in all foods.
- Your favourite pizza toppings are corn and shrimp.
When travelling by Plane...
- You always are first to retrieve all your carry-on luggage from the overhead bins between landing and arrival at the gate.
- You think 3 separate security checks in an airport is acceptable
- You have carry on luggage made from red, white and blue nylon sheeting.
- You sprint frantically from the tarmac to the airplane to ensure you get a seat
Fashion means...
- you get your haircut on the sidewalk.
- You leave the 'Garbano' designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.
- You like those Frankenstein shoes on women.
- You don't bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.
- You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions
- In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
- And you (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
- You wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs
- You have a purse and you are male
For entertainment...
- You enjoy karaoke.
- You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
-The China Daily (Chinese Political Paper) is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
- You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs
- Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
- You watch 'xiaqi' (Chinese chess)on TV religiously.
- You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
Around Town...
- You smoke in crowded elevators.
- All white people look the same to you.
- You like the smell of the bus
- Open spaces make you nervous.
- You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
- People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
- You find yourself exiting a major highway...on your bike.
In the WC (Toilet)...
- You find western toilets uncomfortable
- You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person)
-Those footprints on the toilet are yours.
Your Health...
- You go to the hospital at the first signs of a cold.
- You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
- Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your 'Qi'.
- You don't notice your gastrointestinal problems anymore.
- Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
Communication means...
- You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
- You ask people in what animal year they were born.
- You measure distances in 'Li'
- You think you speak Chinese fluently
Social Customs...
- Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.
- The last time you visited your mother you presented her with your business card.
- Your handshake is weakening by the day.
- You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
- You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes
-You think your nose IS kind of big.
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